Our New Year’s resolutions

Hoekom wil ons nie verander nie?

Ons het kompeterende behoeftes en belangstellings. Terwyl een deel van ons doelstellings het vir persoonlike groei, het ’n ander deel vrae.

Wat is die koste van verandering?

As ek regtig stil word, sal ek die eensaamheid kan hanteer? Sal ek nog aandag kry as ek nie in die eetkamer leer nie? As ek my opinie lig, sal my vriende dan nog by my wil wees?As ek finaal daai werk kry, sal ek nog ’n tuiste hê om na terug te kom? As ek ’n klein dingetjie verander, hoe sal dit ander dinge beïnvloed? Wil ek so baie verandering hê?


Met Die Volledige Studiekursus / The Complete Study Course verskerp jou kind sy bewussyn. Hy/Sy verkry insigte waarmee hul verdere besluite kan neem. Kontak my gerus vir meer besonderhede by 082 782 4747 of luciabrand@cybersmart.co.za.

Your job is not to force change, but to make space for the reasons they don’t want to change. Your job is to ask questions, too. Questions like: What is the benefit of not changing? What old things will be lost if new things are found? Your job is to welcome both parts into the light.

What We Want More Than We Want Change

Ek staan alleen in my kind se kamer en hoor die geluide van onder af. Hulle luister musiek, stry, speel en debatteer en hy kry nie geleer nie.

Die ma in my, sien iemand wat iets nie graag genoeg wil hê nie. Maar die sielkundige in my, sien die leë tafel en luister na die klanke van onder en ek weet dat my seun presies bereik wat hy in sy wese begeer:

Belonging.

Ja, sy punte maak meer en meer saak, maar hy is steeds 'n kind. 'n Kind wat êrens wil hoort! Het ons nie almal daardie kind in ons nie?

'n Bietjie empatie vir onsself 

According to statistics, most of us have failed our New Year’s resolutions by now. We’re starting to beat ourselves up for being lazy and undisciplined. But, with few exceptions, our New Year’s resolutions don’t fail because of laziness.

They fail because we all have a kid in us somewhere.We may be older, but connection and belonging is still the great, unspoken driving force behind our actions. When we are having difficulty changing something personal, it’s because we fear it will disrupt something relational. As a therapist, my job is to welcome this reality into the light. (It’s my job as a mom, too. Which is why I’m going to tell my son, no matter how much time he spends at his new desk, that he will always have a noisy kitchen to come back to.)

We all have a kid in us who is needing to hear that, don’t we?

This year, instead of being hard on ourselves, maybe we can have a little compassion for ourselves. Maybe we can embrace the part of us that wants to change and the part of us that is afraid to change. Maybe then, even our failed resolutions will be the beginning of something new and good and beautiful.